Thursday, June 10, 2010

Poetic Horoscope, Week of June 4-10

Horoscope, Week of June 4-10 by Jane Cassady (Sorry this is such a late version of this week's horoscope! -Big Blue Marble Editor)

Gemini: This is your week for chatting. Call up all your besties and long-losties. Make ill-advised calls to drunk ex-lovers. As for your enemies: send them the strongly worded letters you've been rehearsing. For every cutie-pie who won't text you back, send three texts to people who really love you.

Cancer: I feel protective of you. I keep wanting to tell you about sunscreen, floppy hats, beach umbrellas, but it's really your metaphorical shell that I love. You can go in there, puzzle it out, then shed your swirly home for another, like a love-drunk hermit crab.

Leo: Isn't it weird that in Pennsylvania, you can sell wine hardly anywhere, but you can see fireworks in every grocery store, right at the front of the Acme with the patriotic pies. Start stockpiling sparklers, black cats, bottle rockets. You're planning something bright, explosive, rainbow-hued.

Virgo: One New Year's, I resolved to be more like BeyoncĂ©, our fellow Virgo. This wasn't because she gets stuck in everyone's head or because her Betty Page impersonation is almost as empowered as Betty herself, but because I like the vulnerability I saw in her eyes when she sang “If I Were a Boy” on Oprah one time. Whose light is blinding you? Whose love is coming at you crazily at the moment? Tell them.

Libra: Everyone falls in love with your beautiful face, glowing so pretty that it's almost supernatural. If that weren't enough, they're in love with your oddities too: the way you organize your jewelry box, the three different sugars you put in your coffee (pink packet, yellow packet, brown packet―how sweet are you?), the dictionary of food terms that you carry like a talisman. Libra, love them back.

Scorpio: I heard that if you put beer on a scorpion's tail, it will sting itself. That might be an urban legend, but what are your little one-drop sabotages? The mean friend you keep hanging out with? The soul-suck job you can't quit? Do you forget to pull back the blinds in you secret rooms during the hour the sun shines in?

Sagittarius: Send love notes to your broken dishes. Mourn the coffee cups chipped by your porcelain sink, or save them to use as pen cups. Pick up every thread. Make a special drawer for the buttons that come in little baggies with new shirts and blouses. Practice keeping track.

Capricorn: Splurge on teacher supplies, even if that isn't your job. Buy dry erase markers to remind you of bright impermanence. Buy sheets of shiny stars and paste them all over your face. Get ten-packs of pencils in every pattern available. Pom Poms, pipe cleaners, googly eyes―build a little cathedral, call in the pilgrimages.

Aquarius: The Aquarius of the week is Justin Timberlake. Think of all he has given us: we hadn't even known that sexy had left until he brought it back, wrapped in a shiny trick Christmas package. Hooray sometimes for the songs that will never be deeper than ringtones. I'll never change mine, Justin.

Pisces: It's another terrible week for actual fishes, but not for you. Your gills are clear as meditation, your vistas un-sullied by petroleum rainbows. You remembered the blowout preventer. What is the opposite of catastrophe, Pisces? That's where you are.

Aries: Put things in order. Make your soul like The Container Store. Label things the ways Real Simple is always nagging you to. Get cute little bins for everything. Things will be neat and clear then, and you'll know what to do.

Taurus: How many libraries are there in your city? Visit them all. Become a connoisseur. Which has the nicest tables at which to leaf through magazines? Which security guard will hug you and offer you tomato plants? Which afterschool program's talent show will restore your faith?

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