Friday, May 21, 2010

This Week's Horoscope: May 21 to May 28

Poetic Horoscopes by Jane Cassady




Gemini: Happy birthday month! Go to a Michael's (or similar craft store) and see just how many kinds of cake decorations and sprinkles there are: letters made out of stiff sugar, Super Mario figurines, sugars dyed every hue and tint, star-shaped sprinkles, fish-shaped sprinkles, regular jimmies, I could go on and on. That's your coming year, Gemini—all kinds of decoration.

Cancer: One of my favorite things to do with my nephew Kieran is to play with his elaborate Play Doh mold collection. My sister and I have differing theories when it comes to Play Doh—she likes the colors kept neatly separate, so they last longer, but I don't mind the colors proceeding together towards day-glo entropy. However, we are both really excellent at making pink Play Doh roses with realistic stems.

Leo: Take apart the structure of your days, brick by brick. Turn the clocks back and forth to suit your moods. Warp time with frequent naps. Never watch our shows at the appointed times, only on Hulu. Ignore sunsets, exit signs, and train stations. Your power animal is the amoeba.

Virgo: Last weekend, Amy and I went for a picnic in our old favorite hometown wetlands, Barry Park in Syracuse. May is our old town's best month, lilacs in the air, turtles sunning themselves at the edge of the swamp, everything light bright new green. We didn't see the great blue heron, but we knew he was there. We couldn't believe how quiet it was. Our hearts broke a little for everything that's changed and been lost. (Including, I guess, Lost.)

Libra: Today I stopped at the Chestnut Hill Library, paid an unVirgolike fine, and got out a chick lit book with a lotus on the cover called Enlightenment for Idiots. Then I stopped by the Woodmere Art Museum and saw some very bright doodly lotus paintings that must've been really fun to make. The other day my mom emailed me a picture of Lakshmi as a get-rich good luck charm. Let's get transcendified in a nice, goofy, glittery way.

Scorpio: Also at the Woodmere Art Museum—some school children made their own dollhouse art museum. It had long miniature benches, sculptures of cute animals, crocheted wall hangings, and tiny reproductions of famous art. Make a cute dollhouse version of your important life, Scorpio, and put it in your permanent collection.

Sagittarius: Find the nearest small, adorable niece or nephew and spend about 2 hours looking at dailysquee.com with her or him. There you'll find surprised-looking baby marmosets, a pile of baby otters, husky puppies lined up like Wii remotes, every possible permutation of kitten, and even a baby octopus! I'm sure that this is at least as good for one's soul as church.

Capricorn: Capricorn pal Rachel McKibbens says on her status update that she “is often completely unimpressed by what others find impressive. Is that a Capricorn thing, or good old fashioned bitchassery?” On a related note, don't you wonder if Betty White might have gotten tired of the same joke for an hour and a half on SNL the other week? It's like, oh, the pleasant old lady is saying something scandalous. OVER AND OVER. Don't let anybody write you boring like that, Capricorn.

Aquarius: Your power animal this week is the Magic Cephalopod from Lynda Barry's wonderful wonderful book “What it Is.” She says (in a very tiny seashell of a synopsis) that if you can relax yourself and practice letting your images out, this magic creature will buoy you up and guide your writing/drawing/whatevering hands. Go make something.

Pisces: In 2005, ornithologists found the ivory billed woodpecker, previously thought to be extinct. Frank Gill, senior ornithologist at the New York City-based National Audubon Society, said "It is kind of like finding Elvis." Don't stop looking at every leaf-bend, every wing movement. You could be surprised by flight at any time. Imagine a few weeks, days, years from now when you can run through the streets yelling FOUND!

Aries: The people at Volkswagen are trying to get us to do the slug-bug thing for every Volkswagen, and I don't thing we're buying it. I tried to start a “pinch Mini” thing a few years ago, but so far it's only spread to my mom. Inspired by my beloved off-red ex-car, I really think Mazda Proteg├ęs might be my guardian angel. I think people should pat each others' heads and say “Awww” when they see one. Start a silly meme this week, see how far it gets.

Taurus: My therapist confided in me than she envies her veterinarian--he gets more thank you notes than she does. Make a list of the things you love more than your own psyche—pets, the computer, poetry slams? Write a thank you note to your brain for letting you think with it, to your hands for writing your thank you notes, to your neuroses for all the adventures

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